Friday, August 12, 2011

Bad Mommy Week

This has been my worst week as a Mom, Ever.

I wanted to yell at my kid.

He's only 14 months.

What the Hell is wrong with me.

Harrison is my love, my life, but there are times when he becomes the bane of my existence.   Ok, I'm being dramatic but he's become a fussy baby as of late, pulling on my shorts, whining, or throwing a tantrum if not picked up.   He also does hardcore tantrums as well, where he cries so hard that he turns blue, and passes out.   Every time this happens I end up crying myself with my now exhausted toddler on my shoulder whimpering.

As I type this post my son runs up to me just to give me a kiss.   Ahhhh the guilt!

This week has been out of the ordinary, the husband has been gone a lot, making me a SAHM.
Making me realize I have no desire to be at home all day long all year long.  I just couldn't do it if I wanted to stay sane.

Which also makes me realize I have an amazing job.  I'm home just long enough in the summer time, school vacations, snow days, etc... to get glimpses of stay at home mommyhood, with just enough time at work to get me out of the house.

Going into my fifth year teaching art means that I'm finally starting to get a hang of my job.   Well maybe not the hang of things....... I've gotten better at getting things done more efficiently.  So that I can leave my job and be 'done' for the day at 2:50 to go pick up my wild man.


Sometimes I find myself deep in the sucky trenches that motherhood can be at times and I have to realize that this too shall pass.     That I need to Take a moment, take a breath, and  take a step away to relax.

I was in shock and bewilderment the other day at the park.  I was chasing my son around with my mother, double teaming him on the equipment when I started paying attention to all the other mothers at the park with a child about the same age as mine.    The majority of them were all quite visibly pregnant.

All I could think was no F... ing way.   NO WAY!
Then, I think about my mother who was getting pregnant right now with my younger brother.
 (and also remember the part of the story where she starting crying when she found out she was pregnant).

Don't get me wrong, I want another.
I crave this, the itty bittyness of a small smushy baby. 

Just not until I drag myself out of this trench.

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