Sleep Sleep Sleep, apparently that's all I blog about....

I know sleep comes and goes throughout motherhood.

But DEAR GOD, when will I get it again!!!!!

Clearly I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown due to my sons lack of consistent sleep.  Is it crazy of me to think that perhaps my 13 month old son might start sleeping through the night??  Is that a totally off the wall thought.

I feel terrible, I feel horrible, but most of all.....I feel jealous of all those other moms out there who have a great sleeper.

Just last night, he fell asleep at 6:45 for the night,...... in parts because he didn't have a good afternoon nap, it was a car nap that lasted 20 minutes if that.

(Which in looking back, my lack of consistency with nap time may be a big big factor in all these sleep issues)

He then woke at least three times before 10 with stirring.

Fast forward to Hubby and I being asleep in bed.

We brought Harrison in bed with us because it was soooo hot out.  AC is in our room only so he slept between us.

He woke another two times from 11 to 3 in the morning.  I, being too lazy, decided it was just 'easier' to put a water filled bottle in his mouth.  He falls right back asleep with that.

I'm just prolonging bottles, and making it harder for myself later.  I know.   But, I want sleep now.

So.... the Hubby gets up for work and sure enough the baby gets up too.  At 5:30 am.

What. Is. Going. On.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh......

So my baby boy that was on the verge of sleeping through the night only two or so months ago has now regressed to newborn stage.



I

Need

Coffee.

Beach Day with a Toddler...

Harrison and I went out with some friends yesterday to the lake.

We had a blast!   Even with nap times a bit off, and rain showers at the end of the day... my little man still did amazing.

Now of course, I relied on a couple of things to ensure that this day would go smoothly.

First off,  I packed my essentials.

-Around 12 bottles/sippy cups to ensure variety, and that when one drops in the sand I have another available immediately.

- "The Cage"  this thing has become a mind saver.  If you follow me on Twitter you might have seen a couple of picture posts involving me inside of said 'cage' with my son.  It makes him happy, which makes me happy.
     Plus, sitting inside of it with him takes some of the mommy guilt away.  Part of me feels bad I use it the other part says ... Hallelujah!!!

-  Radio Flyer wagon.  This was a baby shower gift that I've now put to lots of use.  PERFECT for dragging sheets, chair, cooler, and Heck... yes ... BABY all down to the beach.      (Wish I had gotten a picture of that.  Harrison piled in with all our beach junk)

- Snacks, Snacks, and more Snacks... because of course he doesn't want anything I've brought, he wants everything your friends have.  Thank goodness for generous mommy friends who understand.

- Cloth diapers.   Now, I went on a little cloth diaper break, and I've gotten back into them since I've been home.   They've been amazing, and work 12,982 times better than those stupid swim diapers that they just pee right through anyways.  The cloths.... termed affectionately 'clothies' by me.... slide perfect under a swimsuit and hold pee a bit better... and much better if I use the plastic liner.



So if I put all these together correctly, and the hour on the clock hits that magic spot...

I get a sleeping baby in the shade in his amazing "baby  cage"  (I need a better name for my trusted friend, a more affectionate term...)  and I get a very happy mommy on the beach getting to flip through a beach classic, Cosmo.

Thanks Cosmo for the 50 Sex Tips...
   That is now a section I pass through with little to lets be honest, No interest.  Sorry Cosmo...

Ahhhhhh..... A relaxed..... Mommy.   Brings me back to the days where I was able to read a full page only once.
Not three times over.... and still having no idea what I just read because I was interrupted 20 times by a toddler eating sand, rocks, bugs, or yanking at my magazine wanting to eat that.



So relaxing time quickly came to an end when the thunder rolled on in.
Packed the baby up.

Gave him a container I was bringing back to Wallyworld, one of those cylinders with the powdered sugar flavor packets inside, because I figured the rattling noise would entertain him.

It did.

Surprisingly so.

Almost half way into the car ride I smell this super sweet smell.

SHIT.

Pull over to discover this ...  ..  little cutie.

He and his carseat was covered with the red powder.  He looked like the joker.

Worst part about it I had promised hubby I would stop into the store to pick up dinner.

.... Definitely had to bring him in looking like that, baby wipes only went so far.

Just another day in the life with an active toddler, and a spacey mommy.

Tattoos and Regret

I have five tattoos.

Each are special to me.
All of them mean something to me.

Sometimes they mean regret.

My first tattoo I got at 18, brought my mom with me and of course it had the 'typical tribal' markings along with the design.   That part of it I regret.  The symbol inside, not at all.

I love the elegance of the two figures, they are clearly in love.  I got it because I am a believer in love.
The beauty of two people loving one another, and all that other mushy crap.

This hurt, it hurt a hell of a lot.  I remember the sensation of it going up my spine, my face turning white.   What the hell did I know about pain as an 18 year old, minus the old self piercing of the ears.

Time went on and I figured,
     "Hey!  I'm a pro at this tattoo stuff!   None of my other friends have any yet, I'm going to be bad ass and get another!"

Enter regret fairy tattoo here.

Please ignore left over belly button ring hole.  That is now done with, thank you childbirth.   

I wouldn't be cliche enough if I didn't have the 'fairy' tattoo, and the tramp stamp now,   Come on!

(Sighhhhh.... my twenty five year old self grimaces at these)

Anyways...

Time goes on....

Still love tattoos, and hell they're addicting.

Decide to get my name on my body, what will eventually be my Maiden name.  

Now this is where I start to put some thought in?

I get this tattoo, my last name in fancy script.

R. O. Y.

Maiden name, now I'm Married.  Perfect.

Now I love this tattoo, my only regret is that is is very very visible.  In the teaching profession that can be tough at times.  But, times are a changing and tattoos are becoming much more accepted.

To continue... I wanted yet another, a quote that I live by and that is close to my heart.

"This above all, to thine own self be true."   You know, classic Shakespeare and all that.   I'm a classy gal.

A classy gal with a tramp stamp, and a fairy tattoo.   Ha.

Anyways, I wanted it delicate and small.

One of my favorites, my mother was going to possibly get it tattooed on her after a difficult time.   She's a little ink shy, so I got it hand stamped onto a bracelet for her from Etsy.   

As a female, as a person in general I've been through  a lot.   As we all have... 

But, I've went through a lot of personal struggles, identity issues, and over all self image crap that unfortunately still follows me.  It's a reminder to myself to be who I am, and not change myself for what others want.

Deep, I know.

I had to make up for that fairy some how.

Lastly.

My back o' the neck tattoo.   I had a hell of a time trying to photograph this one. I ended up with a blurry, crooked, greasy hair picture.  

Attractive.  Very Attractive.

It's super blurry, but the idea of the tattoo is the birthday of my dad, mom, brother, and I.

My immediate family. 

Well, I didn't think of the fact that this one is SUPER visible, and my immediate family kind of changes as time goes on.  

People ask me if I'm going to put my son's birthday on there.  I'm done with that tattoo in my opinion.  I try to wear my hair down at work, the kids always ask me if I have phone numbers tattooed on my neck.

Enter big regret sign here.

So all in all, as much as I say I regret my tattoos ... Because sometimes I do..... they all hold some kind of meaning to me, I did them all at a certain time of my life and they've become part of me.  Like it or not.

I look at it with humor, and I've learned.  I didn't rush into a tattoo for my son, I'm going to plan it.   

His tattoo I think is going to be another script like piece, as clearly I'm very into simple lines and text.   Also, it will be on a more discreet part of my body.

You live, you learn.

P.S.  This is my first linky party post, and my first time connecting with other bloggers so I'm over the moon with excitement!   Thank you ILYMTC!

Well I guess I know what Foot and Mouth is now...

Well...

There was a reason for all the crabbiness.

Harrison and I were hanging out all Friday afternoon, he was a bit fussy again, I attributed it to those damn teeth.

We ran an errand to Walmart, he was his chipper self, flirting with all the Walmart Folk... sigh...
   Got home, and he was kind of weird, not really himself.

Super tired, and actually just kind of laid his head on the couch and fell asleep.  Super unusual for my little guy.

I scooped him up and cuddled with him on the couch.  
Lucky for me I had just bought a 'fancy new' thermometer that you hold to the babies temple.
    It was a random purchase for me at Walmart.   Perhaps 'Motherly Instinct"?   Ha..

Decided to try it out because heck, my kid was pretty freaking hot, and was sweating all over me.

Put it on his forehead...

Waited for the little beeps...

....
....
....

104.2    What the F***

Panic ensues, try it one more time...

Waiting for the beeps....

.....
.....
.....

105.1  Holy hell!

Never have I seen a temperature that high on him since his birth.

So I proceed to panic of course, and being by myself waiting for my husband to come home I of course, call my own mommy.

In a panicked state, crying.

Now, I've read enough books to know what I'm supposed to do when a temp gets this high, but all the sudden my son was becoming lethargic, head on my shoulder, limp arms and legs.

In between my call to my mother, and my kids doctor my sweet baby boy lifts his sweaty head up from my shoulder, looks me in the eyes, and gives me a kiss.

My sweet baby...

So my mother decided she was booking it over, and I start stripping the little man down and start a cool bath.
We climb in and he is NOT happy.   Crying, upset, totally pissed off at me.

So... Start trying to push kids Advil down his throat as the doctors office suggested.   That was a nightmare, from the kiddo who usually takes medicine willingly, I literally had to hold him down, pry his mouth open, and shove that stupid little dropper in his mouth.

Mother shows up as I have him in front of the A.C. with me, his poor little legs starting to get goosebumps, she swoops him up in a big hug.  My poor little boy looks so young again.  Cuddle him for about an hour, recap what the hell happened in an hours time.  He was completely normal, minus the teething crabbiness, all day long.

Sure enough, my little guy starts becoming more aware, and is ready to go once that medicine kicks in.

My mommy panic moment is finally subsiding, and I'm starting to chill.

Great, .... I'm the 25 year old woman who still calls her mommy crying.
     Ughhh.




All in all I took the H-man to the doctors on Saturday because Friday night was hell here.  Turns out he has Foot and Mouth, with little ulcers on the back of his throat.  No wonder the kid wouldn't eat or drink, the doctor specifically showed me the little things, and I cringed thinking I'd be quite the baby too if they were in the back of my throat.

Foot and mouth is basically caused from the fact that like typical one year olds do, they put gross objects in their mouths,   ALL.....   OF .... THE..... TIME....

So rounds of Advil, and Tylenol the past couple days and finally this morning Harrison has woken up himself, and is currently running like a crazy man around the house banging, playing, and torturing the cats.

That's my little boy.

Losing my Patience..

Big mom fail.

H after the three hour long nap he took...

I've been losing my patience lately with my son.

Like walk away lose my patience because he's absolutely driving me up a wall.

This makes me feel like crap.   I'm home all summer long with him, I'm so lucky to have an opportunity and a career like this that allows me to spend so much time with him.

Hmmm... maybe that was a sign

Even at this very moment he's pulling on my arm and crying even though he's fed, changed, and has a gazillion toys to play with.

He's finally become a wicked Mommas boy.  Like to the point of drive Momma batty he's so clingy.

That maybe he wasn't feeling good?

I get what I ask for, I cuddle him to sleep, I go the second he cries at night (much to the displeasure of my husband, and against my pediatrician).  I enabled this little boy to become so attached so why am I losing it when he wants to hang on me?

This week has been a tough one, parenting wise.  Harrison has decided lately that he was going to change any and all routines that we may have had.  He's waking up at  5:15 for the day, then takes a nap at 6:45-7:00 and I am beyond getting back to sleep.  I guess I'm just exhausted, I'm trying to run errands day after day, which is so hard with a one year old that doesn't listen, and is in a screaming phase.  For example, going to the DMV resulted in me having to hold my kid by his armpits while they took my license picture, so he wouldn't run way.

Times like these give me a  new found respect for single parents.  How do they do it?  I can't even imagine the way they feel.

  So I suppose parts of me are frustrated based on lack of sleep, and the fact that my one year old son thinks it's still necessary to do multiple wake ups during the night.

Sighh...

Then I finally realized on Monday, (that things are not all about meeeee, me, me... you think I'd know this by now)  after a day of hell that maybe there was cause for this behavior, like maybe my son might be in some pain?

Duh.....

Mega mom fail.




He has twelve thousand sharp little razors trying to break through his gums, and I'm over here losing it because I think he's just being grumpy.

And all is well after a little bit of Oragel.

And a closing thought.   If I want to keep all my fingertips in tact, I need to go back to the Oragel sticks.

Baby and sleep... Apparently the only two things on my mind.

I don't get it.


I JUST don't GET it.

Harrison, if you are that tired why don't you continue to sleep through the morning?

Why do you insist upon waking up at 5:15, when Momma decides to drag you into bed, pretend like you're going to sleep for 45 minutes, then pop your head up ready to go for the day?

But, not only that.   After twenty minutes awake you're ready for a nap and Mommy is up for the day.

I was never one of those people that could 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.   I can't nap.  It drives me Crazy.

So now my beautiful son lies next to me on the couch while I type away and he snoozes.

I am beyond jealous.

I wonder what a full night of sleep, or uninterrupted sleep feels like.  I haven't slept for two years, sighhhh.
At least H does a bit better than his cousin.   My SIL is up 4-5 times a night with her one year old, talk about exhausted, I can't complain.

Now as i typed this post my son decided that the ten minute nap he took was sufficient for this morning.

He needs routine, I need to become more disciplined as a mother to enforce a routine, I think it would benefit all of us.

Perhaps this would've been best done months ago, and my 'free spirit' mentality of mommyhood has kicked me in the ass.

Grrrrrr

So I had written out a whole fantastic post from the lake house, about my secret twitter obsession and then bloggeroid decided to not post it and Lose the entire thing.

Damn Galaxy Tab, all I've had is trouble from you from the very beginning!

Essentially I wrote about where I've been spending a lot of online time lately, Twitter.    I've been meeting a lot of funny cool people, and finding out many woman have the same trains of thought as I do.

The thing about my twitter obsession is that I keep it secret.  Hubby knows I'm on twitter now, but doesn't even know what it is.   Hell, he just got on Facebook four months ago ( a whole other story in itself).

I find myself posting the things to twitter that pop into my mind and that I wouldn't post to Facebook because I would become that ridiculous over poster that everyone ends up blocking.

Needless to say I've really liked becoming a part of this new community in Twitter land and hope to extend this to the blogging world too.

Which is also something I've kept a secret as well.

My brother follows me on Twitter, I've thought about blocking him to some of my information.

Is that possible?

For me right now I'd rather stay 'anonymous', even though I've posted my face, my sons face, and my husbands face all over the internet.

I'm just not ready to let the family in yet.